Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Day went rather terribly, people around and things that I saw quite sucked, ended up emo, again. I think it's crazy and comforting how daddy was the one who managed to cheer me up in the end. Makes me think of a few years back, when kids start growing into teenagers and begin to prioritize friends over their family & people who really truly care about them. Why, oh cos friends are cool and parents are old, naggy and a pain in the ass. Even if they weren't really, they were because everyone used 'rarh, my mom again' with a siandiaoed tone. Which is saddening because I guess there's only a tiny group of people that you meet in your life who truly loved you because of you, unconditionally and unceasingly, and family is part of that very very few. In my case at least.
People who love you feel the ache in their hearts no matter how many times you've cried before. It's hell to get your reaction when a little reassurance, a little understanding, a little bit of freakin love was all I needed.
It's nauseating to see people acting selfishly, doing things that are so sickening and fake but are living happy lives. Guess the world's indeed that blind to flaws, maybe because everyone has them. Maybe everyone commits the same hypocrisy and eyeroll-inducing faults so they forgive others for doing so. I don't know. Or perhaps, I'm just too critical of human beings and am weird cos I'm finding it so hard to comprehend and coexist with my fellow same-species.
Think I've been approaching life the wrong way and thus screwing myself up these recent years. But habits and mindsets that've been successfully psychoed into you through all the previous times that you've been hurt is beyond hard to change. It's for your own sake, you say, like it's so easy to and I'm stubbornly clinging on to my current miserable way of life cos I wish to.
Pardon me if I don't make sense, or if I sound like some crazy ranting creature. Brain starts to get a lil fuzzy past 12. Shoot me if you think I sounded all think-I'm-damn-great, 've grown too tired and battered to care.
Goddammit, I just whine too much.
Hey Daddy,
no thanks for giving me those genes,
but thank you for keeping my sanity tonight.
pop at /
11:51
